I now realize I have been walking blindly through this world. I know I am a Christian...there isn't any doubts about that. When I was 20, I had a dream or vision, or a visit from God (whatever you would like to call it) and as of that day...I stopped cursing Him and trying my hardest to not disapoint Him. Which, I am NOT perfect...I am sure He is disapointed with me daily...well, maybe weekly. But, HE knows my heart and the goodness that is in it! Honestly, that is all that counts in the end. I had an amazing night last night at Bible Study with Jill and many sweet girls! I dreaded the singing part...I always do with Church...but, after that...the three hours FLEW by! I realized that I walk with my "sight" and not with "faith"! That brought tears to my eyes. I know myself....and as I am looking at the list under "sight"...I see that I use 5 out of 7 on a daily basis! On the "faith" side I see that I only use 2 out of 7! That cannot be good! It is weird...you may "think" you are a good person...but, if I die today and stand in front of God...will He have much to be pleased with me. I know I do not do enough. I want to volunteer at the homeless shelter....but, Christopher said no because of my safety. I want to volunteer at the hospital...but, I cannot handle seeing pain. I would be more of a mental case than I already am. So, what do I do to better this world? Christopher says, that God does not expect all of that out of me...but, I have a little voice in my head that says HE DOES! Christopher tells me to be a good wife (which...sorry to toot my own horn, BUT I AM!) That man is lucky....the great thing is he tells me that everyday. =) He tells me to raise 5 Godly children. I need to work on that. We WILL be going to church for now on. No more excuses every Sunday...because they have service on Saturday.
My Bible Study really opened my eyes. I already know this world is beautiful....people make it ugly. But, when some say that the world should be coming to an end soon. NO WAY!!! Sadly, it could be alot worse!! Look at the trees...look at the flowers, the sky, the stars, the birds...your FAMILY!! It is beautiful and we are all blessed in our own ways. Last night, we had to put in prayer request...well, I didn't have anything for my own immediate family. If you think about it....that is GREAT! But when will my bubble burst....when will those life lessons hit me...Jill was wonderful, she said when I get thoughts like that, tell satan to leave me alone. That is the best advice I could ever receive! Oh, and my prayer request was for my mother-n-law. Her health scares me beyond imagination. I have always prayed for her but now a stranger can do it for her too....how lucky to just get one more person in your life to care about you.Today is a day to stay positive and remember and be thankful for all the wonderful people I have in my life! I miss three people everyday from my side of the family...maybe this can help to get some understanding and release the sadness! Love to all!